oh god the rape fog is back!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
