i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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