Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
