Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
