i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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