When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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