Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
