Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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