just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
