I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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