By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
