The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
