just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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