allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize