The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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