my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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