There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
