ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
