We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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