We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
