Welp...herpes.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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