Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
