so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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