i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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