there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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