She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
