He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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