i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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