census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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