Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
