i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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