I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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