I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
