We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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