It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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