a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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