If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
