I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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