I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
