I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
