I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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