I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
