At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
