So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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