i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
