Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
