hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
