What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
