just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
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What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You made out with two different species that night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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