we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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