While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
