You can't motorboat a personality
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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