Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
