My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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