Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Welp...herpes.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
