just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
