My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
