I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
