his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
