i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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