I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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