you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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