Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
