At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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