Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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