he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
