Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
