What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
