Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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