I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
