why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
