Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
