There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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