Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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