I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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