just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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