I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
