when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
