So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
