Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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